What’s the Matter, What’s the Reason of Being Torn and Tattered?

What’s the Matter, What’s the Reason of Being Torn and Tattered?

What’s the matter, what’s the reason of being torn and tattered? To realize the stain the purpose of the pain to one day rule and reign. To be scoffed at, dishonored, and thought profane.

O’ my love for that Wonderful Name that I proclaim in the silence in the dark the city the park. Wherever I am it’s never just me although with your eyes it may seem. In my thoughts there they are found the subtle the profound.

Those who have gone for welcoming me with an open door. Their words in the midst of the silence an enjoyable conversation that I wish were heard amongst the nation. But for me instead the melody the tenor the conversation in my head.

I followed them here in the midst of deepest sorrow and many tears my joy realized in the midst of fear. I don’t know why still most times although I try cannot deny the love the affection the grace the protection.

There is none that runs alongside within my heart’s election. Every moment trying striving to somehow give more of what I’ve been given, to cause sin to bow and gain more living.

My best that I can see is the fruit that I’ve tended to from seed. It meets my hunger and thirst, but I still desire that He eat first.

Look see my Beloved what you have sown inside of me. You gave me seemingly a little but now it’s become a tree. Fruition that hangs from I think every branch and look at the buds your thoughts flow through me like a flood a life-giving drink, please my love tell me more of what you think.

Deposit them within the mind that you’ve birthed in me. I will tend to it until it bares it’s fruit faithfully. For this is the reason I was birthed to give you plenty it’s why you sent me to this earth.

For a time, I’ll keep searching despite the difficulty the hurting I’ll never, never, stop searching.

Your words your hidden fascinations from them I’ll never take vacation it’s my measure my station I declare it to the greatest nation the one from above Your all I desire of You I’ll never tire doing all I can through every season my Love your my reason for existing persisting consisting of I’ll never stop listing the many ways you bring me joy since my spirit was a little boy.

You’re my beginning and my end, my dearest friend. The agony the ecstasy I know that you’ll never forsake you’ll never leave me, I am grafted in I’m part of your Life-Giving Tree!

I know to all who don’t really know me I want to listen to my Love He’ll show you. But their eyes need to be ears so they can perceive this Love you have for me that I so earnestly desire for them. But they look upon me and judge me and their minds keep buffering, so I keep on suffering.

I’m denied my rightful place in the Spirit right before Your face, but in the world a wooden hidden place. Without glory amongst men nearly not a trace. But I’m not bitter it’s a good trade it’s the new man for which I was made.

I have chosen it I counted the cost long ago to choose You over the offerings of the world, the straight and narrow path that always seemed to curl and whirl a whirlwind a seem less endless mystery of where to place my foot to begin my legacy amongst  the Bride but something that I found was You turned me aside.

I desired her greatness without spot and blemish to build up and not diminish. But I knew not the depth the limits that You May desire me for Yourself.

I thought after such a time as this that You May have put me on the shelf for the struggles deep within myself, yet your Spirit beckoned through my every frustration reflection and rejection of this beautiful family in which I thought I with my spiritual family I would leave an even greater legacy but I’m not sure they desire one such as me.

So far away seemingly so much further down the road but I hear their need for me their lack. Not because I’m so awesome but because I was brought up in lack. Pods of pigs alone and far from home.

Not by choice but you let me hear it’s only You that I fear, it wasn’t at all clear, but I did all I knew to do to remain faithful to remain true to the voice I knew to be You.

So here I am with my Tree stronger than ever wanting to have a simple yet profound discussion with the ones that brought me caught me and praying each day that they have sought me cause I’m so thankful for the foundation my calling unto the nations.

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Regards, Shan

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Shannan Humphrey

Shan

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