What Would You Say If You had the Chance?

What Would You Say If You had the Chance?

By Shannan Humphrey

What Would You Say If You had the Chance? – What would you say to God?

Would you be honest?

Would you tell the Spirit how you really feel?

Would you share with God, or would you let Him, have it?

It’s one of the saddest things I encounter everyday regarding the children of God. They “respect” Him so much they don’t tell Him how they really feel. As sad as I am to say it, they lie and hide their true feelings, thinking honor is more important than their truth.

I too understand the danger of us all having our own truths, because many of them are limited to our experiences and understandings of God.

Many are shocked and almost give me a look like, “I would never do that!” I have to ask them, are you scared to tell your Father how you truly feel? If you can’t tell Him, who could you tell?

Confession? It’s never just been that for me.

In fact, me arranging the list to tell, just seemed to keep repeating, day after day, week after week, as though there was no power to change it, just a greater awareness of how this kind of confession couldn’t.

In the beginning I thought it was my inability to change it. Like many others I even began to agree that only “God” could change it! Then I began to wonder, He knows how destructive this is to my life, why won’t He change it?!

God! Please change me! Guess what! Crickets. Then when I found myself rehearsing the prayers by writing, by routine, by discipline, even any previously discerned power in it began to fade!

I thought through my anger, my hostility, my utter frustration, I had run him off. I had gone too far with my thoughts, my words, my feelings.

Just as I began to consider His leaving, there was a torrent of rage that came up in me! I knew it was in there, I had seen glimpses of it. I had used it for self-defense, it used it for attack before on others in my life.

You know when they hurt me. When they had used me. When they had made me feel insignificant. When they caused me to feel alone. All by myself. It came out, every expletive, every cuss word, every hurt, every remembrance of harm mental emotional physical I could recall in the moments.

I was so angry. Back then angry was not an adequate word. Truth, was I hated Him! I hated myself, I hated what they had done to me! I hated that He had let them! He didn’t seem to give a shit about me! I told Him that. I don’t know how long? Until I was done. That day.

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Regards, Shan

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Shannan Humphrey

Shan

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