Lift Up Your Head My Brother

Lift Up Your Head My Brother

Lift up your head my brother. It is difficult to sit in my seat. A difficulty I don’t know if I could properly explain over several earthen lifetimes. The intensity the grind the struggle may seem to you a boast. They are no boast at all, rather a toast to the ones who got me here.

How would I have known how to produce what has been produced in me? It wasn’t always my desire to feel the sting, the trauma, the humiliation. Stripped of all, all within me, no stone left upon another.

Calling all things into the question. Foundation? My brother and I had not one stone to begin to build it with. When I thought I had acquired one it would crumble into sand when I tried to stand upon it.

Stand my brother, pitfalls all about. Thrown in the quicksand and I had no knowledge not to struggle. I have struggled my whole life, both in the flesh and in the spirit.’

Resistance is an ever-present adversary upon me. The weight of the world that was given to me. My brother without lessening you one speck, how could you carry my weight. How could you bear my burden? How could all the hope in the world, all the want and desire of both you and our whole family, including myself, cause you to comfortably sit in the seat prepared for me?

That seat is and has always been a hot seat. You being born birthed of water my brother.

The fire of the anointing you felt was like a pot of water on a hot stove. My beloved brother, I know you don’t know me, I know of you. I desired to know you while I was there in your midst but who was I? You had the preeminence. Weight enough itself.

I can relate to your weight, trying to fill the shoes of dad. I learned very early on it is better to be above them rather than under them. My spirit started to discern the difference between what was for me and what was against my adversary. He spoke words to us that had great power to many, many of those you know personally. I have met very few of them.

I have not said you have not lived a life of struggle with my brother. I am certain that you, like many others I have been in contact with over these twenty years, think their path is difficult. A slip, a trip, a fall, the difference between myself and them and you are also my little brother is, it wasn’t the trip of the twig I feared. It was the crack of it.

How could I explain the fear that teaches fear what it is. Fear and trembling. Words that cause you and your body to not be aware of anything but those words?

Ease subtlety and many, many. awaiting prayers stored up for your behalf just in case you may one day need them. You had them all, I had none. If prayer for me occurred, it wasn’t personalized. I was accounted as general assembly.

Ever tried to tell your father that you’re his son and he denies you? Ever tell your mother?

Ever look at your entire family and know they are not your family?

Ever suffered not knowing who you are? Even the lesser you your earthen identity was still better than most. Have you ever been a nobody? Ever been somebody that others treated as a nobody? Do they treat you differently in your church circles? Before? How about now?

Welcome to a portion of my loneliness. Shame? It has always been my name. A gesture of glory to come. Silver spoon? I ate pods of pigs fed to me from the refuse of the unclean.

Homeless? I have been dishonored in my own home. A stranger in it. A castaway into the seas full of riptide, tossed about like a piece of flesh that all those of the deep have had a piece of me.

Ease? The stack? All the stacks were stacked against me. They are still stacked, bound in sheaves about me. Even those of my own household don’t believe in me.

Ever had no one believe in you.

Ever had a question that you needed answered and no one was available to answer it.

Ever asked questions that unlearned spiritual men or women just looked at you like huh?

How many great men and women you have surrounding you? How many of those great have left you now? Look at you with eyes not matching their lips?

Welcome my brother to my world. Only really two ways for you to get it. To receive the benefit of that seat. Either he that sits there gives it to you or other attempts to give it to you and the Kingdom fights against that trespass.

Questions so many questions. Why is all this happening? Simply. Profoundly. That is my seat. It’s not a physical seat please. It’s not that stage it’s not that office. That green room. That executive…. It’s not a title my brother.

It’s Honor. I have been dishonored and whether there or here I am always there.

All words, thoughts, intentions, motives and yes brother fulfillments of purpose are subject to that seat. Mercy Justice Equity like our Heavenly Father hath instructed. This is not a game! There is certainly no slackness with our Heavenly Father.

No one can take the seat. The Lord gives authority and power to whomever He desires. We don’t get a vote. We at best appeal to His reason so we can better understand His reasoning. We don’t change His mind; we change our own.

We find our humility through the things in which we suffer. Has Covenant Church suffered enough? Has our family suffered enough? Like Abrahams wife, you tried to wed my maiden.

A curse has ensued and will continue until you restore her to her rightful husband man. As John the Baptist said It’s not right for you to have her.

She’s mine. Given to me not of men nor of our very own spiritual mom and dad who prepared her for me. They thought that spiritual vision was for you and sis. And it is but it’s through me.

God, he brings us into families. He has brought you all unto mine and me unto you all. Behold mother, your son. Brother your brother. Sister, your brother. Father your son.

I desire not to fight with any of you I have prayed with tears without end to be merciful unto you all and myself. Harm to you all is harm to me. It does not matter whether you know me or not, my affections for you all are certain. You are my family despite the dysfunction, no dysfunction compared to my earthen family.

Anything I’d better than that. I want to restore all the former and bring forth the latter glory! All of us hitting on all eight cylinders. But dad somethings amiss. There’s a miss in the engine, hear it. It’s not the top dead center. I am the ignition point.

I’m sorry so much has transpired. It was not my design. All I knew to do was try to reach out to the unreachable without looking like a crazed hero worshipper.

This month I have calmed myself and prepared for the peace talks to come in February. My goal is restoration and reconciliation but if I have to make myself known by way of internet. I will do that. I want you all with me. But if you resist me, I will flex on ya. It’s not for the sake of your harm, but your good.

What a witness we will have in the goodness of God and the reconciling of families and prodigal children who have become prodigies. Rebellious suckers. Hope all is well with you and your family there. Can’t wait to see you with my own eyes and have conversations and stories about you.

Love, you brother.

Lift up your head my brother

Regards, Shan

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Shannan Humphrey

Shan

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