How Deep, How Wide, How Much My Love?

How Deep, How Wide, How Much My Love?

How deep, how wide, how much my love?

How could I begin to understand?

How could I look into the reaches?

How can I better explain the unexplainable?

How do I reveal the invisible?

How do I speak of the unspeakable?

How do I refrain from speaking?

How do I keep from leaking out its fullness?

How do I deny what I know for certain?

How do I withhold that which holds me?

How do I not seem foolish when I’m foolishly in love with you? How does the greatness of that wisdom not appear foolish to those who don’t know You? How do I feel lonely when I know you are with me? How do I tell lies to the One whom I know is truer than any other I have known.

How do I tell them that you speak to me without words? How does one see You but doesn’t see you at all? How does one hear Your words in the silence or in the noise? Where do you tell them You came from? Where do you point? How do you give them directions to where your affection is found? Where do you send them when within me is where I know you are?

Wherever I am You are. How do you tell them you don’t know where You end, and I begin. Because I don’t mind You leading my steps. How do you tell them it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but and I can’t list the exhaustive reasons why?

But I know You could. I didn’t have strength but now I do. I didn’t have any idea what strength was. I didn’t have any clue how to talk to you, so I just started. Can I tell them that nothing in the beginning felt comfortable, but I did it anyway many times out of desperation. Do they know that not only did others think I was crazy, but many times also I thought I was crazy? It didn’t make any sense but now priceless.

I felt like I was searching for something that didn’t want to be found. How could You love me? How could You die for me? You might have died for all and maybe I just got lucky to be included in the masses.

If I could just barely make it into Your Kingdom. I’m not sure I can change at all. I’ve tried I return right back to the vomit. I am a mess. All of this is a landslide of error. I can’t do anything right and if I do, not for long.

I can’t read the Bible; I don’t understand it and every time I do I realize how good You are and how bad I am. Yes, I’m not like any of those who I read about. I don’t think I share one value with them.

Lord, your principles are not my principles. Forgiving others, I can’t even forgive myself.

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Regards, Shan

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Shannan Humphrey

Shan

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